Yesterday, my pastor talked about senseless violence.  The caveat to doing urban ministry is that you live this stuff.  You don't just preach about stuff that happens over there on that side of town--that side of town is your side of town, and the issue in your own front yard.  My pastor was talking about a domestic dispute that turned ugly enough to send his kids inside.  All 5 foot 4 of him went over and asked the couple (now arguing in the SUV) how he could help them.  I guess it threw them off a little and this couple were a little irritated with him.  The large man began arguing with him (my pastor had made the decision that getting laid out wasn't really that bad and was the worst that could happen) and eventually went around the sides of the SUV, still yelling at my smallish pastor.  Finally, the woman said, "Stop!  Don't do that!  He is a Christian!" (#360) Whatever it was worth, this guy was shown actin' a fool by my pastor keeping his mouth shut (#361).  I love his perspective on this:  he said when people in the neighborhood yell at each other, he knows who to pray for by name.  Those prayers have worked, because some of those people now attend church years later (#362).

I had my own sort of run in recently.  A woman was actin' a fool, arguing and yelling at me.  I was totally ok with who I was and was confident that what I was doin' was right, so I just calmly dealt with her (#363).  Well, it made her more mad, but eventually walking away from the conflict seemed to be the best alternative.  I have to share a list my pastor gave about ceasing violence and deescalating conflict.

1.  Know who you are.

• If this happens, names people call me and allegations people make against me don't mean much.

2.  Know what you can't control.

• I do this all the time in therapy, having kids draw a picture of their hands, then putting what they can control inside of it and what they can't control on the outside of it.

3.  Remove yourself from being abused.

• Honestly, as great as it sounds for an abuser to get better, this rarely happens, especially if the abusee stays in the situation.

4. Don't be violent or accuse others.

5." A soft answer turns away wrath."--Proverbs 16:5

6.  Confront with love, be honest

7.  Sometimes we have the opportunity to let it go

8.  Forgive completely 

• That ugliness only eats us up inside.

9.  Don't gossip.

• Ugly words spread like wildfire.

10.  Don't retaliate.

• The cycle of violence only increases in intensity and frequency over time.

11.  Live at peace (as much as it is up to you).

12.  Turn the other cheek and take the suffering yourself.  

• Interestingly enough, my pastor said that the concept in biblical times of "turning the other cheek" actually meant that if someone striked you on one side as a slave, let him strike you on the other side as an equal.

"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth only leaves the world toothless and blind."--Ghandi