Stronger

I am actually doing really well. I am pretty happy right now. Not totally content, but happy. I realized how much I needed to continue to press on. I have had more things that continue to pile on the last few days...allegations from friends...more disappointment from circumstances and even some tears to boot, but God continues to show me things and I continue to work on them. Either way, my friends and family have been amazing. I am developing deeper relationships and truly enjoying my time with others. I am looking and planning for my future while continuing to study for my test and making my current situation better. Each day, I get a little bit stronger. Thank you Jesus.

This was fitting to me last week. http://www.cmt.com/videos/sara-evans/578702/a-little-bit-stronger.jhtml

Progress

Each day gets a little better. As proof, I slept most of the night last night and have gained my appetite back as the day has progressed, which is Justin time, because my body was really beginning to give some pushback from my lack of food and increased exercise regime. I know not each day will be great, but I know I am headed in the right direction.

The sucky and amazing part of growth

The last few days have been really hard. Jonathan told me that he was seeing someone else. My friends all speculate why he told me. Either way, the bottom line is that he seems to have moved in quickly from a relationship that was pretty serious. Of course there are lots of questions I may never have answered, but I will just have to accept that. I was doing really well in recovering from this relationship until the other day, when I felt really emotional. I don't think it was any coincidence that he sent me that text late that night. The last few days have been full of lots of pain and heartache, restless nights, and little appetite. However, I realized that if I truly believe God is good, He has something big planned for me. If I was supposed to break up such a deep relationship with a good guy, I know His plan must me amazing. Today, I really started digging, addressing some deep rooted issues. I realized that I ha unconfessed sin that had really impeded my relationship with God. I realized that I had to get to such a vulnerable point in my life to finally realize that I need Him and that, if I have to get to such a desperate and vulnerable state to realize this, then so be it. I don't know what this means for me long term, but this is requiring me to live out my faith in such a real way, it is scary and still means that I have a lot of growing to do to get me to my next step.

Just another day in the neighborhood

Just when I think I am fully recovering, I have a difficult day. The messages I get from him are interspersed, so I remain confused and hurt. Regardless, I know God is good and I am thankful for the fact that He loves me and is making me better through this.

On a different note, I learned a little about frostbite and dehydration yesterday. A 4.5 mile run left me feeling so bad, I walked home with an escort, over a mile. I was curled on my bed for a good while and stayed in bed all morning. I couldn't feel my fingers for over a half hour and drank out of a water bottle with Gatorade like a baby because I couldn't move my hands. I think I am ok now. I think changes in my diet may have contributed to a cold morning with little food.

I also attempted to make Chinese herb soup tonight. It was very difficult to understand it. The instructions were in Chinese and Engrish. I took out all the herbs, but I will include a picture to demonstrate why this was so difficult. Ok, posting from my iPad proves to be a challenge. I guess I will have to learn how to post pics.:)

Baring my soul and stuff like that

About three and a half weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend, Jonathan. We had been dating for about a year and a half and had plans to get married. The break up was mutual, which has greatly assisted in my recovery. However, a break up is still a break up and I have had to really focus on making myself better. I have felt a little lost, since the man I thought I would be spending the rest of my life was no longer there. The first week was rough, but beautiful. We broke up Tue., had a difficult discussion about boundaries Wed., out my dog of almost 16 years down Thu., and was told on Friday that I would have to reapply to take my license for my job. It may sound morbid, but I expected there to be problems by the end of the week. However, through all the sleep deprivation, the loss of appetite, and the difficulties with dealing with the feelings of grief, God was with me every step of the way. I experienced Him in ways I don't think I ever could have before. The break up has been good for me to get my own life back in order and to do much self-evaluation. I have learned much about myself in the last few weeks and have had God keep telling me I HAVE to study for this test. I know the test is coming soon...I have to prepare! God really wants me to focus on this test, but I was so focused on my relationship with Jonathan, I lost myself. I have slowly been gaining it back, but with many lessons learned and a new perspective in my life. I have made some changes and know that I need to make more. I miss his companionship, but know that this was for the best.

There is much more I could post about, but I think that I will leave this here for now.