Second marathon

This last weekend I ran my second marathon in Nashville. It was strange how much more nervous for this one I was than my first. However, I knew that the expectations I had for this one were higher since I had done this before. I had a goal time in mind (roughly) and knew that I wanted to be faster and better. I prepped hard for this one and did more speed work than I did for my last marathon.

First and foremost, I have to thank God for my ability to run and my running partner, Melissa. God has shown me lately what a gift is to run. Not in the spiritual gift, I am awesome at singing sort of gift, but in the blessings he bestows on me when I run. Sometimes I experience him in the quietness of short, small runs squeezed in between a busy day. Sometimes he is there encouraging me through those long, difficult runs when I really don't want to go any further. Either way, running has become a metaphor in so many senses throughout the last few months and only lately have I truly come to appreciate it fully.

If I was to focus on my time, the race did not go well. In fact, from that perspective, it went horribly. I felt nauseous from about the second or third mile and it was difficult to want to get any of the nutrition I needed for the rest of the race. I became extremely dehydrated, even though I drank at every water station, and became frustrated when my legs began to tingle. Melissa ended up not running with me because I was not doing well (which was totally fine and the way I preferred it...she still apologized a million times later). However, despite the nausea, extreme dehydration, and heat (it was around 90), I made it. Around the 14th mile, I began to feel comfortable running. God was truly there, because I was not physically doing well. I began to cry on my drive back from Nashville the next day when I realized that I would run 100 more marathons if it meant that I needed that kind of humility to experience God the way I did. It was amazing how much we were able to witness to people on the run. Melissa and I had shirts with our names on the front and Galatians 6:9 on the back. Melissa said this verse during our 23-mile run when I was really struggling to finish. As people ran by us, they asked us about the verse and thanked us. I would venture to guess no less than a dozen people asked me personally about the verse. I realized that if I am truly a vessel of God, then I did my job. My life is not about being the best or running the fastest, but shining like a light for God. If I truly did that on April 25, then I would say that this is my most successful race yet.

Growing

Wow, I am amazed about how much I am growing in this job and how much I still have to do. In the last month or so, I have learned much about codependency. Now I am learning about anxiety and bipolar disorder. I am so thankful to have learned things little by little.

Please pray for my friend Courtnie. She has a blood clot in her knee and is going home to be hospitalized for a few days. In other blood clot related stories, an acquaintance from college, Annika Dace, died on Sunday suddenly after having a blood clot in her lung at church on Sunday. She was married less than two years. Although her husband knows where she is, it is still difficult for him. Please pray for their families during this time.

Good Friday

Today, I decided to take a day off. It's Good Friday and I just didn't think I should work. I exhausted myself this week, but I looked forward to Friday. I woke up this morning at 8:45am and called Melissa with profuse apologies. We were to meet at 7am at the Greenway for a 10-mile run, but my lame self didn't set an alarm. Oh well...I think it was for the best. I needed the rest. I decided after much debate to ride my bike to MT Cup, a local coffee shop. It has been a drizzly day, so it eliminated many of the places I could have gone outside. It didn't rain the whole bike ride there any back (which seems to now be so much easier because I am in much better shape than last year).

I finished The Shack, which, by the way, is an amazing book. I have been reminded throughout much of this book how critical forgiveness is and how much God is totally crazy about us. I am reminded how broken and twisted this world really is, which makes love and forgiveness even more critical. After journaling until my pen ran out of ink, I read Romans 12, 13, and 14. I was interrupted by the owner's daughter. We ended up playing Balderdash three-year-old style (you know, there are no rules and everyone wins several times over), then we colored. Afterwards, I went back home and took a nap. I have still to pack for Ohio this weekend, but I feel as if I got much of what I needed today. Rest was the especially important part.

I am going to attempt to upload some of the pictures I took today. Winter is melting into spring; it is so exciting! I just wished that there would be few more sunny days to enjoy it all.

First post

Who knows why I decided to do this...maybe it was the frustration of tweeting, maybe it was the fact that I have not seen so many of my friends in so long, maybe it was because I decided blogs were suddenly cool. Blogging has been something I have had to warm up to; putting all my emotions and thoughts on a website for people to see seems to be intimidating. But, in an age where I feel as if there is so much going on and everything is changing, it may be the only way to stay connected with people. So here it is...my first blog.

Not to get too deep on my first blog, but I keep thinking about a conversation I had today with my supervisor. A person at our contracting agency told her that when our clients don't succeed in therapy, we fail. I was so disturbed by the comment, it continues to mill around in my head. What really makes a successful therapy session? I have clients who will never change. It's not because I don't want them to or they can't, but it's because they choose not to change. I have several clients who have either chosen to terminate therapy or they are no longer court-mandated to therapy when they are really not ready to be done. Can I define myself as a failure? No way! It just upsets me that we suddenly have to put all of our professional success in the instability of our clients. Although I know the truth in this situation, it still haunts me.