1000+ Gifts

999. Birthday celebrations.  At the Cheesecake Factory.

1000.  The next table (aka Nicki Mangue and her beau) buying our cheesecake because my sister's birthday's on Christmas.

1001.  Having 1000 gifts to share on a blog.

1002.  Christmas.  Our tree was bursting with presents, our table filled with food, and the feeling of complete satisfaction was indescribable.

1003.  Having a family that doesn't fight on Christmas.*

1004.  A delicious, healthy Christmas dinner.

1005.  Leftovers.

1006.  Giradelli squares.

1007.  My new blender.

1008.  My new coffee maker and coffee grinder.  In one.

1009.  A Christmas toast.

1010.  Surprising my parents with cash instead of presents this year.

1011.  That my mom has been off over the holidays.

1012.  That my sisters have been home to help care for her.

1013.  Christmas movies.  A tradition, really.

1014.  Gingerbread houses.  And winning the contest.

1015.  An astute mother.  When I wrapped her Christmas decorations, she knew they were missing.

1016.  Christmas Eve services.

1017.  Children's songs.  And a Christmas rap.

1018.  Having the Apple guy put Windows on my computer.  Even though he wasn't supposed to.  For free.  A semester without Powerpoint or Word on my personal computer has been difficult.  Actually, this is the first time ever I have had a personal computer fully functional for school.  And I have taught three semesters.

1019.  A chilly run/swim with a willing sister.

1020.  Snow on the Depot, highlighting all the curves in the bright red roof.  Like powdered sugar on a real life gingerbread house.

1021.  My family's safe travels over the holidays.

1022.  A quick trip to the Monumental Circle for a family pic.

1023.  Having enough money to enjoy a nice meal out.

1024.  Concannon's birthday cake.

1025.  Starbucks Holiday Blend coffee.

1021.  Frango mints. 

1026.  Having a nice big bed to sleep in.

1027.  An early snowfall for Christmas season spirit.

1028.  Zero ice for traveling.

1029.  Handcrafted earrings from dear friends.

1030.  The amount of people who fawned over our homemade cookies.  It warms my heart.

1031.  Holiday china.

1032.  The candle snuffer.  The coolest part of clearing the table.

1033.  Dishwashers.

1034.  A fresh pot of coffee always brewing.

1035.  Holiday tea.

1036.  Drive through light shows.

1037.  A family willing to help with prep and clearing the table.

1038.  Having a family to spend time with.

1039.  Having time off over the holidays.

1040.  Frozen puddles.  Like mini ice skating rinks near parking lots.

'Tis the season for gifts.  I am humbled that these are mine.

*We rarely fight anyway.  I only mention this because I realize that families do have these problems every day.  I realize that Christmas is extremely hard for some people and I am extremely grateful that this has never been the case for my family.

Flashback Friday--Christmas at Grandma's

We recently watched home videos of Christmas at Grandma's house.  It is sad to never see Christmas there again or see my Grandma in the same mental state.  However, the memories become all the more precious now.

Christmas

I am celebrating Christmas with my family and just revel on all the gifts I have been given.  And that was before we even opened presents.  I have listed many of them here, but many more of them are just too entailed, to beautiful to put in a simple number on my gratitude list.  I am just going to soak in all the time, the lights, the presents, tangible, intangible, big, and small.  Enjoy celebrating another year with my family.  Another birthday with my sister.  Another year where we have jobs and money for school and opportunities knocking at our door.  Revel in the way our lives have just led us here.

Debt

This week was the anniversary of debtors' prison in Kentucky.  It really got me thinking.  I researched and incidentally stumbled upon the true facts of debtors prison.  I was shocked to find out that this still existed.  As I watched "It's A Wonderful Life" last night, I watched as people lived simply, provided needs for others, and scraped by on what they had.  I reflected on our own society, where debt is so commonplace, we don't even blink when signing a car loan (when the other car was just fine), where we engorge ourselves over and above our means for many reasons.  We have car companies who have overindulged themselves who needed government assistance to get up and running again.  This article reflects on that incident, the good and the bad of it, making a good point that the car companies are worth more running than not running.  I have reflected on second chances, forgiveness, mercy, and justice.

I think about my college professors who put up with my chatty and inattentive self, but gave me the internship of a lifetime that changed the course of my life.  I think about how people poured into me, loved on me, let me lunch with important people, molded me, and were patient when I was impatient.  People whose support, kindness, and love only makes me want to reciprocate it by paying it forward.  I have a huge debt to pay it forward.

"The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants.  As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars.  He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.  Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars.  He seized him by the throat and demanded, 'Pay up.  Now!"

The poor wretch there himself down and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it back.  But he wouldn't do it.  He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid.  When the other servant saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

The king summoned the man and said, 'You evil servant!  I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy.  Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?'  The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt.  And that's exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do each one of you who doesn't forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy." --Matthew 18:21-35

Flashback Friday--Megan's birthday

My little sister's turning 27 this week.  Happy birthday to the greatest Christmas present I have ever received.

Christmas break

THE SEMESTER IS DONE!!!!

Okay, it is a cause for celebration (grades were in a day early…whoo hoo!), but it is also a time for reflection.  To be quite honest, I have been very, very fortunate this semester to have some amazing moments with students. Things got real with them this semester.  I heard about broken marriages, broken families, broken hearts, anxiety, depression, and just how hard life can be.  I watched the final videos for an interviewing and assessment class this weekend (that was four hours of my Saturday).  These therapy sessions weren't fake.  No wonder they didn't want to watch these in class.

Out of all of this, I had been fortunate enough to have 6+ years of therapy and enough wherewithal to teach my students some introspection.  I listened, I loved, I challenged, and I reached out to my students.  The reciprocation was heart warming, tearful.  I realize that I could not have done this if I was working a full time therapy job.  Haha…I told one of my friends about my videos and she said "and then you were depressed."  I just shrugged.  She acknowledged that she does not know how I do it.  Yes, having a day (or string of days) listening to people who are hopeless, depressed, and downright angry at life can be difficult.  But then I challenge them to tell me what they are thankful for.  They can't.  At least initially.  I demonstrate for them that we only have 7-10 things that float in our consciousness and most of theirs are negative.  What happens?  They agree.  We talk about changing those negative thoughts one step, one day at a time.  It works?  How do I know?  Because I've tried it.:)

So here are a few things on my late list:

993.  Living with my parents (I haven't bought groceries in a month)

994.  My mom's surgery went well

995.  Working part time to help her out

996.  All the people who have brought meals, bought flowers, and reached out to her

997.  Spreading Christmas cheer.

998.  Christmas traditions.  Ours includes making over a dozen kinds of cookies to hand out to our nearest and dearest.

Our annual Christmas cookie plates.

Lights in the darkness

There are times when the darkness seems to drag on and on.  In many respects, that has been my life lately.  But then I realize that the little lights are only so brilliant because it is so dim.

And gorgeous they are.

Sometimes, they don't take away the darkness, but light my way.

A student gave this to me on the last day of class.

The gratitude from my students for caring, for listening, for helping them this semester is overwhelming.

The amount of students who want to take my class next semester is touching.

I am so stoked to know a large majority of my class and that they chose me to help them along in this journey.

I did a 10-mile race with friends in the snow yesterday.  Seriously, it was a blast.  (I kind of got excited that there was a winter storm warning.  It made it all the more fun.)

So play, run around, celebrate winter.  Spring may be a while off, but it isn't worth fretting over.

Merry Christmas Mom

The things my dad made us do...

…made my mom happy.

Oh the Places You Will Go

Some days, my life just feels directionally impaired.  I am glad someone else feels my pain.

http://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/2013/12/oh-places-youll-go-maybe.html#more

Keep on keeping on.

In other thoughts…

Many of these are sadly true.
http://www.quickmeme.com/p/3vppid

In other humorous moments...Facetiming with my aunt.  She called her sons and said "I am still dressed.  Company just left."

A Wooly Mammoth Size of Optimism

"Sorrow, anger, mourning.  Don't mourn, organize."--Steward Brand, TED Talk on Extinction, Feb. 2013

I was listening to the TED Radio Hour last night after dropping off my cousin at college.  As I was waffling about how awful my life was, this struck me.  The pity party needs to be over.  I need to get a grip on myself and start working on a plan.

The TED Talk was about a man who had worked exhaustively to bring back the carrier pigeon.  Other scientists were working on other species.  He even predicted that the Wooly Mammoth would be living within my lifetime.  The Wooly Mammoth.  Extinction seems so final, but maybe it isn't.  If this man can bring back entire species that have been lost for over a century, then surely I can find my next step in life.  It really isn't as bad as I thought.  Besides, whining isn't going to get anything done.

So…enjoy your day and wish me luck as I come up for a plan for future endeavors.  Certainly, if a scientist can dream up rectifying a million year old animal, I can certainly swallow a small dose of optimism.

You can see the whole TED Talk here:  http://www.ted.com/talks/stewart_brand_the_dawn_of_de_extinction_are_you_ready.html

A Winter Wonderland

986.  It's a Wonderful Life.



















My favorite Christmas movie of all time.  Experiencing it on the last night of class=a warm place in my heart.

987.  Thirsty Thursdays.  Katie…my colleague, my confidant, my friend.

989.  Delicious desserts

990. That my students gave me good feedback about class, plus constructive criticism.

991.  That my students asked me to teach their classes next semester.

992.  That the semester is almost over.

Flashback Friday--the autograph

I recently discovered a box of old yearbooks.  I discovered a few things from my 5th grade autograph book.  I had 16 BFFs and I guess Brittany was a pretty girl.  Thanks, Matthew.

'Tis the Season

For hibernation.

(Seriously…how can one animal sleep so much?)

Garrison Keelor says that we winter to reset our body clocks in some scientific sense.  People who live in warm places have no idea what they are missing, because everyone around them is exactly the same.

The additional layer of fat has begun to make it's way into my heart (and onto my thighs).  Today, I took a picture of a stranger's winter body.  As if the bloated belly and stretch marks and a camera phone wouldn't be enough, t had the pleasure of standing behind the camera to assist this process.  For the love of dignity, please don't post that on Facebook.

I had a student who may have caught the same disease.  She was shocked yesterday at my announcement that it was the next to last class of the semester.  Later, she was shocked to learn that she was attending a college that only offered associate degrees.  After three semesters, I don't know if there is any hope.

Chanukah

Ugh.

That is the way I felt this morning.  The weather outside is grim and gray.  It's as if Indiana is waiting on winter and forgotten about fall.  It is that ugly, brown time of year.  A beacon of sunshine peeking through a cloudy day seems pretty much amazing.

So I prayed and ran (which seems to be my solution for most things) and I cooked dinner for my parents and a few friends.  Another family, another adoption.  I know some pretty amazing people.  When I was over at their house, their shy preschooler told me that she wanted me to come back to visit and then told me that she loved me.  It was so sweet (even if she told me she wouldn't help her mom with the new baby).

Confession:  I am not Jewish.  Nor do pretend to me.  (Hence the reason I have a New Testament scripture as the title for my blog.)

But there is one Jewish holiday that I tend to like.  Chanukah.  I know, there are more important holidays in the religion, but there is something about this tradition that draws me in.  This year, I bought my first menorah.  It was made out of bike chain parts from a fair trade store 20% off.  It was a match waiting to happen.

I was so super excited about celebrating the holiday on Thanksgiving this year, I was borderline furious when I had forgotten my menorah.  (Not that a Mexican restaurant would have let us burn candles at our table without prior permission.)  The combination of the two holidays should not have been missed.

However, I pulled it out upon our return home Sunday.  I know, I don't do this thing right.  I really don't know what I am doing.  And it's not like my family will celebrate it with me every night.  So I lit all eight of the candles.  And began describing God's provisions for our family this year.

Here is what I got.

970.  My aunt and uncle were able to find appropriate housing in Swaziland after their initial one fell through.
971.  They were then able to find appropriate housing back in the States after that fell through.
972.  My uncle has been busy with contract work since returning home to the States.
973.  That our friends received enough money just in the nick of time to go to Kenya.*
974.  My sister's job fell through, only to have another one open up.  (For good reason.)
975.  That my sister and brother-in-law have a great church that they are attending.
976.  That my other sister's internship doors closed.
977.  That everything worked out for her to begin graduate school in a program that catered to her needs.
978.  That both her and her boyfriend have good friends where they are living now.
979.  Her boyfriend's new job (which he started this week).
980.  That my mom got a promotion this year.
981.  That my grandparents are in a great assisted living facility.
982.  That my employment has worked out in such a way, I could not have orchestrated it myself.
983.  That my cousin has suddenly had an immense amount of money provided to him for an upcoming trip to the Philippines.
984.  That my other cousin has found great ways to get plugged into ministry at his university.
985.  That my moving home with my parents was perfectly orchestrated just prior to them needing me.

Life's not perfect, but it sure is good.



*My mom quickly reminded me that they were not our family.  I reminded her that they were our church family and therefore, brothers and sisters in Christ.

Disclaimer:  I recognize that my celebration my be appear to be blasphemous   However, I am fully aware that I still serve the same God as the Jewish peoples and that he has provided for them as he has for people near to me.  That was really the point of my celebration.

Thanksgiving stuffing

Thanksgiving was deliciously fun and emotionally draining all rolled into one day.  We visited my Grandma in the Memory Care Unit.  The Alzheimer's has reduced her to someone barely recognizable.  We loved on her anyway.  After so many years of her life being poured out on her family, I feel it's just a small token of reciprocation.

We then went through my grandparents' home, claiming what material possessions of theirs we wanted.  It was a constant reminder of stuff--how we collect it, how we treasure it, how we use it (or don't use it), and how we tend to have more than we need.  And for what?  That day...just in case, we would need it.  Like we would ever even remember having it.  I have been constantly reminded of this as I move back in with my 'rents.  

This made more a more conscientious black Friday.  We had a blast nonetheless.  We got free Krispy Kreme donuts, took shots of half and half, tied balloons to the back of our car, and bought a 1-pound box of Sugar Babies (we handed these out the car window to my aunt in the Kohls' parking lot).  

My aunt Facetimed my cousins, but refused to show them where she was.  So she spun the phone around the store away from her.  After she asked us if we were coming to Penneys.  And showing us the sale signs.  My sister got all of her shopping items for free (she was a randomly selected customer) and we got great discounts.  We were slightly disappointed we did not witness much drama and chaos, but after reading the weekend headlines, I feel a little better.

We did our own Turkey Trot and my dad and cousin just registered for the Indy Mini (my cousin's first 1/2 marathon).  

A summary of the things that were great about the weekend:

962.  Growing closer and closer to my family as time goes on.

963.  My family are all slowly becoming runners.  And I love it.

964.  A conversation between my dad and cousins.  They were attempting to book airline flights on in infamously unreliable carrier in hopes that we would score free tickets for being bumped.  It may have required a several hour drive to the nearest airport, but they decided it was worth it.  They even came up with a slogan.

965.  My aunt's new house remodel is nearly complete.

966.  Having a mom and aunt who plan all the meals (and cook) for family get-togethers.

967.  Sunday School yesterday.  The kids were learning "Joy to the World."  The song leader asked if they had heard it before; one of the kids said "I haven't been coming here that much."  The song leader quipped "We have a copyright on that one."

968.  Free Thanksgiving dinner.  Every year, a Mexican restaurant near my grandparents' house has a free dinner served to anyone.  It was a perfect solution to our transient Thanksgiving.

969.  At least I'm not this guy.

I could go on and on, but I will save that for a different post. :)

Flashback Friday--Christmas Sing

The first Sunday afternoon of every December, the local community comes together for a Christmas Sing at the local field house.  The free event encompasses the old, young, rich, and poor, the community groups, the local bands, the school choirs, and a hand bell performance.  I have grown to admire the dedication of this event and to admire the 80-plus years of art appreciation right next door to my high school.

On a random note, I realized that I actually became friends later on with some of my neighbors from a different school.

Movin' on in

I discovered only a week ago I had to move out of my house because of circumstances beyond my control.  My transient life only continues.  So, like a girl, I cried and cried some more.  Then I set to work.  I packed, moved, unpacked, and organized almost all of my possessions by myself.*  I moved 70% in three days by myself.  Like a champ.  While working.  And taking an online class.  And renting a storage unit.  And going on a long run with friends.  And attending a baby shower.  And attending a play.  And going to church.  P.S.  This is a great way to elicit pity.  All I have to say to people is "I am in the middle of moving" and they start groaning for me.  It is kind of a great excuse for anything that goes wrong.  "I am sorry I am late; I am in the middle of moving and had to search for pieces of my outfit in six different boxes."  Cue look of pity.  (True story.)  The key is to use it sparingly to just get enough pity to get away with brain farts and the awkward space in conversations.

I am currently living with my parents, which has been more of a source of conflict than of internal conflict.  It is a beautiful moment of being home for the holidays.  My gratitude list could go on and on, but since it is almost 11pm, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I still have to go to my storage unit, I will make it concise.

940.  Having parents who were willing to take me in, no questions asked.
941.  My parents having a house big enough for me to move in.
942.  Getting a storage unit for $40/mth.  Just like I prayed for.  With zero negotiations.  Just like I prayed for.
943. The storage unit is right behind my parents' house.
944.  Ordering the right size storage unit.  (Because moving everything would have sucked like the Tootsie Pop owl on the commercials.*)
945.  Getting just the right amount of boxes in just a few stores.  (Hello, Walmart at 1am.)  I was at the right place at the right time for a reason.  And it wasn't my brain functioning.
946.  Having a vehicle big enough to haul bunches of stuff in a few trips.
947.  The way the entire experience is making me rethink my ability to prioritize and purge items.
948.  Focus.  (Because that doesn't occur naturally.)
949.  Cheap gas.
950.  My parents' minivan.
951.  McDonald's coupons.
952.  Built in exercise.  Who needs the gym?
953.  Contributing several things to my parents' household.
954.  Having friends to give me clarity in the situation.  Because sometimes I am blind to my own life.
955.  Reaching out to a group of people and receiving an overwhelming response of love.
956.  Being offered a room.
957.  Being offered closet space.
958.  Being offered hugs and encouragement when I need it most.
959.  Being offered manual labor to help move.  (I took her up on it.)
960.  Moving in right before my mom's procedure.
961.  Being able to settle in right before the holidays.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  I hope the season brings comfort and joy and the pleasures of food and company.


*(I did attempt to convince my family to help me unpack.  My mom told me she would rather have a root canal.)

*I also realized after watching this video that the owl does not actually suck the sucker.  So there goes that metaphor.

Flashback Friday

I know it's a day late, but since this is the week of Thanksgiving, I thought I would include some of my favorite holiday memories.  

I will miss holidays at my grandparents' house (even if I was pitching a fit).

I will be grateful for this day

Life has dumped out and poured all over me lately.  The brazen move to go to part time has caused a great sense of freedom and at times insecurity.  None more than this week.  I have to move out of my house.  ASAP.  No firm plans for a house, but I trust God will provide.  I have spent a significant portion of the day crying.  The culmination of grieving the holidays with ailing grandparents and a complete change in my life was just too much.  I finally broke.  But a significant support system and time on my knees helps.  Geez, I am blessed.

Coincidentally, the other day, before my eviction notice, I had a run where my emotions broke.  I completely fell down when I stepped off a curb.  It caught me by surprise and made me suddenly start wallowing.  Life had just seemed hard enough.  Something inside me said "I made you a fighter, not a whiner."  The ruminations stopped and I started focusing on what I could change.


This week hasn't been all bad.  So here it is:

932.  Baby showers.  Particularly the impromptu one I attended tonight.  In less than twelve hours, my friends receive notice of a baby being born and adopted it.  The waiting, the stress, the timing.  It all came together in one crazy week.  I am so happy for them.

933.  That I got my homework assignments done on time for my online class.

934.  Working with a lots of great, cooperative people who are willing to teach and train me.

935.  Wi Fi.  What's Dial Up?

936.  Having dinner with friends who let me love on their kid and attempt to help me with the computer.

937.  Having awesome parents.  'Nough said.

938.  Inadvertently heaping coals on someone's head.

939.  Knowing my place in a rocky transition.

What good is a tornado?

Plenty, it turns out.

You see, I have had this strong nudging to study for my GRE.  So I did.  A little.  A very little.  Then I came to the math.  It made my head spin.  So I stopped.  Other things (like changing jobs) got in the way of studying and I put it on the back burner.

Then along came a tornado warning.  I had just finished a run when the sirens went off.  I know, it doesn't seem safe to run around a tree lined path with a bunch of waving branches and high winds, but hey, it got done and I was safe.

I clearly was not supposed to go to Cincinnati today.

So impending storm sent me to the bathroom.  With my GRE book.  And my phone.  This is how far I got after the storm (notice the blank piece of paper).

I finally started reading and realized I was a lot math dumber than I had thought.  (I am a social worker for a reason.)  So I watched Khan Academy.  A few hours of it.  The rusty cogs started turning and I got the equations (which made me feel very satisfied), but I hit my breaking point and ended up on the floor.  I whined.  I wanted to punch things.  Then I broke out the icing.  This may be the first time in my life to do this.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Flashback Friday--the minivan

In honor of the 30th anniversary of the minivan (see details here:  http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/11/04/242957361/pop-in-a-cassette-and-celebrate-chryslers-minivans-are-30) , I asked my family what their favorite memories of our minivans were.

I will start with mine.  I think our trip out west was a true test of my parents' patience.  Two and a half weeks in a minivan across the country with three girls will grind on a patron saints' nerves, but we survived and Kristen lost her first tooth.

Megan aided this process on our scourge through Wyoming.  The best angle was directly on top of the victim, wiggling that stubborn tooth vigorously.  The tooth fairy's visit proved its value.

 

The minivan has been a source of naps, fights, and transportation to menial everyday things.

A sedan couldn't have cut it for running between gymnastics, grocery shopping, and church.

After scouring the albums, I also figured out that we had a few wild donkeys invade our van in South Dakota.

 

 

 

 My cousin Landon's favorite memory?  When my dad was whipping around the Gatlinburg Mountains and his grandpa was rolling his eyes while saying "whoa there Merrill."  They were on their way to golf.  

My mom and sister both said that they loved the family vacations in the van.  We packed the car top carrier so full, it was a miracle it didn't pop open more than once.  (That was another story.)

My dad's favorite memory?  When my sister slammed his hand in the door.  I slammed her hand in the door.  It was a cycle of abuse.

My parents still own a minivan.  We are all grown and there aren't any grandchildren, but the minivan has helped us move (time and time again), take countless trips to Ohio, Florida, Illinois, and just about anywhere we travel, and seems to be really handy when transporting the latest supply of seasonal clothing and groceries from momma to the kid who is still in school.

Oh minivan, how we love you so.